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Single YUMs and Sexuality

Filed under : Relationships, Single YUM

By: Imogen Moore

Being a single mom should not mean that we leave our sexuality behind

I once went out with a guy who broke up with me on our second date, when I told him that I’m a single parent. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I really like you. I just couldn’t get it up for someone’s Mom.”

No matter how we came to be single, or how long we’ve been raising our kids, sooner or later we will have to face the question:

“Moms don’t have sex—do they?”

And if they do, it’s the nice kind—missionary position, with their husbands, while the kids are off the premises.

Dating a single mom is an uncomfortable concept for many men. As a matter of fact, for a lot of people the image of a mother doesn’t blend well with the image that modern-day music videos and the media have come to identify as a vixen.

There are ten million single moms in the U.S. alone. Ten million women just like you and me…

Women who seemed to have given up their rights to an office, vibrators, hangovers and bad choices as soon as their bundle of joy was placed in their arms. Ten million women facing the stereotype that says our lives must now be all about dirty diapers, balanced meals, and all things kid-related. Which, frankly, they are… But I would still like to have the option of dancing all night without being branded a whore, or worse yet, a bad mother.

When we have recovered from the pain of abandonment, breakup, or divorce and put some kind of life together for ourselves and our kids, the last hurdle to leap before we face the dating scene again is viewing ourselves, and being viewed as being, well—sexy.

And it’s a high hurdle to leap.

Facing the motherly stereotype is like being run over by a mini-van filled with your kid’s entire soccer team, especially when you’re told that your single motherhood is a fast-track to impotence. Your single friends are uncomfortable with you dating, and your married friends are no better…

Men don’t know how to categorize you (are you a rampant nympho who will forget their names by midnight, or are you using sex as a feminine wile to snag your brood a new daddy?). Fortunately, I have great self-esteem. I can’t afford a therapist to help me work through these issues, I’m a single mom!

The only one who can change this fear and loathing is you.  And me.  And the ten million other complex, talented, multi-skilled and sexy women included in these statistics.

I raise my glass to you, ladies.

We fight the good fight everyday, and on top of that we try really hard to be comfortable with the fact that we hide condoms behind the collection of finger paintings and Play-Doh to the right of the top drawer; not to mention that we enforce a strict bedtime, in part so that we have time to get it on.  It isn’t easy, but the one thing that single moms are not known for is quitting.

As for my limp date, I left him at the restaurant with the bill after finishing my (second) glass of wine. With an attitude like his, I guess he’ll never know the joy of being one lucky MotherF—er, in both the literal and figurative sense of the word.

Editor’s Note: We have made great strides in changing the image of the YUM.  YUMs are the new M.I.L.F.s!  Refer to our Hot YUM section for pointers on how to physically get your sexy on, but never forget that nothing is sexier than a woman with confidence who knows her worth (and trust us, as a Single YUM, you’re worth a hell of a lot)!

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