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Father’s Day As A Single Mom

Filed under : BD Drama, Single YUM

By: Gloria Malone

Every year, around this time, the debate over whether or not to say Happy Father’s Day to single mothers comes up. This year an ad by Angel Soft renewed this debate for many people.

Single Moms Angel Soft

As a single mom, who has been parenting her child on her own exclusively for five years now, I have gotten my share of well-meaning Happy Father’s Day wishes from people.

The first time it happened, I was confused: “I’m not her father, I’m her mother,” I thought to myself, but then I felt a sense of extra pride. Someone else thought I was doing such a great job mothering by myself that they wished me a Happy Father’s Day, in addition, to last month’s Mother’s Day.

I can not lie, the extra acknowledgement felt great.

With society constantly scapegoating single mothers for ‘society’s demise,’ and presidential candidates thinking shaming single- and teen- mothers is a good idea, it’s nice to get some extra acknowledgement on Father’s Day. The only issue is – I’m not a father.

I’m not a father. Im a single mother. A hard-working, often over-worked, over-tired, and proud single mom.

I am the one that tends to all the needs, wants, fears, hopes and dreams my daughter has, and I do so as her mother. The only mother she has known.

My daughter has a father who has chosen to not be as present in her life as I am. A conscious decision that I’ve accepted as his, not mine.

When that decision was made, I didn’t absorb his role, I simply continued mine.

I am not a father, because her father is absent. I’m her mother, because that’s the role I agreed to when I choose to have a child. It’s the role she needs me to be for her, and the role I enjoy occupying in her life.

All that being said, I am no one to tell single mothers how to feel and or want to celebrate holidays that celebrate the roles of parents. Single mothers are not a monolithic group. We are a group of individuals with varying experiences and roles.

Happy Father’s Day to all who celebrate and a special shout-out to all parents out there who fulfill their role as a parent in the most beautiful and fulfilling way possible.

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